Hello, everyone! Happy Halloween!

Welcome to my spooky board game night! So glad you could join me.

I’m glad you’re all finally here so we can get started with some of the spookiest and scariest of board games. This isn’t Scrabble; you’re not walking out of here the same as you came in. Because I’ve spent years scouring the globe for games that capture a sense of terror that can only be matched by their sense of how little anyone wants to play them.

Related: Seven Other Additions I'd Like To See In The Animal Crossing DLCYou like H.P. Lovecraft but prefer to imagine his works without all the racist stuff but also wish I didn’t make you think of that last part? Good, because I’ve got Arkham Horror, Eldritch Horror, and Mansions of Madness. Each one is a stunning, multi-hour journey into the depths of fear and horror. And sometimes flipping through a twenty-page rules guide to figure out if tapping a card is the same thing as exhausting a card. But don’t worry. By the fifth hour - the game will be so hair raising that everyone will want to stop!

Call of Cthulhu - A perfect Lovecraftian story

If Lovecraft isn’t your thing, I have board game adaptations of Dark Souls, Resident Evil 2 and Doom. If you’ve ever been terrified by monsters bursting through a wall to crush the life from your body, wait until it happens due to a card you draw that makes you roll some dice. And then you should probably check the table because you’re equipped with a weapon that should give you more range, but the tile you’re on is pretty small so does that work? Is it still in range? It’s just like playing the video game, except more frustrating and less fun and you have to keep remembering how it works. Chilling.

But it is Halloween, is it not? Perhaps you’d prefer to go with something a little more social. Ah, yes, One Night Ultimate Werewolf! We need at least three players, so hopefully someone other than you shows up for it. But if they do? Oh boy! Be prepared to question everything you know about your friends. I know I’ll be asking questions like, “Do my friends find this enjoyable?”

THEGAMER VIDEO OF THE DAY

Perhaps we could go all in? Plan out five or six hours where we play a tabletop role playing game. No, not D&D! Call of Cthulhu! That’s right, we’re back to Lovecraft because games only have about three or four horror influences total. But don’t worry, if you’ve enjoyed building up a powerful character fulfilling a power fantasy, you’re going to love learning an entirely new rule set for a game that kills you halfway through a mystery you never solve. Is it scary? It is when you realize how much time you’ve spent!

Thank you all for coming. I hope you enjoy the many games I’ve laid out - especially the ones that are still in the plastic, thereby demonstrating the multiple failed attempts I’ve made at playing these games before. May you get a few spooks and scares - or at the very least tell yourself you did something morally good for the day for pretending to enjoy the board game version of The 7th Guest, an adaptation of a video game you’ve never even heard of until I explained it. Happy Halloween!

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