Based loosely off of the classic Archie comics, which were originally released in the early 1940s, Riverdale follows the characters we all know and love: Archie, Betty, Veronica, and Jughead. Moreover, this time out, we get to see them in a series of much darker adventures. In the comics, Archie and the gang spent most of their time going to school, playing sports, hanging out at Pop’s, and dealing with drama over the Archie/Betty/Veronica love triangle. For the love of humanity, it’s been over seventy years, Archie! Choose Betty. Sorry, just had to get that out of my system. As you might be able to tell, I grew up on the original series, and when I found out about Riverdale, I couldn’t wait to give it a try (and I must say I am obsessed). Still, as with any adaptation —especially one trying as hard as Riverdale is to be nothing like its original source material— there are bound to be some things that don’t quite work. Plot holes, weird storylines that seem to go just a bit too far, and characters that don’t quite act like any normal person ever… Riverdale definitely has some things that don’t quite add up. Without further ado, here are 30 things about Riverdale that just don’t make sense. As you may have guessed, there will be some major spoilers ahead… You have been warned!
29 Literally Everything About Miss Grundy
Archie fans will no doubt remember the gang’s teacher, Miss Grundy. Like many characters from the Archie comics universe, Miss Grundy makes an appearance in Riverdale, and I know that Riverdale’s takes on Archie characters tend to be edgier… But honestly, what were the writers thinking? In the original comics, Ms. Grundy was a strict old crone, who would never, ever take any erm… “special” interest in one of her students… But let’s just say we all know what Archie and Miss Grundy were doing at Sweetwater River the night Jason was shot, and they weren’t exactly baking cookies…
28 Archie And Mr. Lodge’s Weird Little Bromance
Okay, let’s do a little role play here, shall we? You’re a high school kid. You’ve started dating this girl. One problem. Daddy’s a Mafioso. You’re recruited by a government agent to take him down. Then you abruptly decide to protect him when it hits the fan. The whole thing turns out to be an elaborate test to prove your loyalty. You… Totally swear fealty to the dude, and support him even against your own father who you worship, no questions asked, right? Nope. Congratulations. You are a sane human being, unlike Riverdale High’s favorite redhead. Yep.
27 The Bughead Is A Lie
Now don’t get me wrong, I love Bughead, the pairing between Betty and Jughead as much as anyone. They’re adorable. Total endgame. But based on the comics, this pairing just doesn’t make sense. First of all, the original Archie comics revolved around the love triangle between Betty, Veronica, and Archie. The show has teased at this dynamic, but failed to deliver. Additionally, Jughead is canonically not interested in dating. What happened? I’m all for bold creative choices, but this pairing just feels like an odd one.
26 The Comics Were Not Even Remotely Edgy
I know that comparing Archie and Riverdale is an apples and oranges situation, but well… The fact that they really are that different is kind of my point. Archie comics are cutesie wholesome stories about almost saccharine all-American teens going about their daily lives.
Adaptation? What adaptation?
Riverdale is dark, edgy, and highly controversial. Don’t get me wrong. I kind of love that. I feel like it makes a bit of a statement, but, it shares so little with the actual source material, that calling it an adaptation hardly even makes sense
25 Clifford Blossom’s Will Is Conveniently Generous To His Enemies
Have you ever seen something so overly convenient on a TV show that you just face-palmed? This is one of them. Remember Clifford Blossom? Hates the Coopers? Offed his son? Not a nice dude. That is, until the powers of plot convenience compelled him to put a stipulation in his will that anybody in Riverdale able to prove Blossom genes would be entitled to a chunk of his fortune. This allows Betty to easily DNA test Chic right when she suspects him, but it makes no sense. Clifford hated the Coopers. Why would he leave them money?
24 Jughead Should Be Able To Go Live With His Mom And Jellybean
So I’m not saying it’s impossible that there’s a good reason for this that actually makes sense, but the writers sure are dragging their feet on providing one. It’s been two seasons, now, and it’s still a head-scratcher. Parents don’t usually choose to take one child and not the other. Even if Jughead wanted to stay with his dad, he obviously changed his mind when he left his dad and became homeless. Why not go live with his mom and Jellybean? At very least, it feels like they should have at least made an appearance by now, but apparently not.
23 Nobody Knew Jughead Was Homeless?
Okay, so does CPS just not exist in the Riverdale universe? Seriously. Jughead was homeless for months, before anybody even found out. How does that make sense? He was in school, and out in the community that entire time. Even his best friends Archie and Betty didn’t have a clue.
What about the owner of the drive-in he was squatting in? Nobody put two and two together? I mean, I realize this actually happens in real life, and it’s really, really sad, but in this case, under these circumstances… It just feels believable.
22 And While We’re On The Subject… How Was Jughead So Well-Kept
Jughead had been living on his own in the drive-in for months before anybody found out. Yet, he had plenty of food, nice, clean clothes—Yes, that’s a suit—and seems to be well-groomed. How??? Not only is he homeless with no source of income, but how many seventeen-year-old kids can actually handle themselves that well without any support at all? Jughead’s situation would be difficult for even an adult to manage. Yet, he still attends school, has a pretty normal social life, and kept the whole thing a secret? Sorry, but I just don’t buy it.
21 Everyone Treats “The Blue And Gold” Like A Real Newspaper
Many of Riverdale’s major plot points revolve around Jughead’s involvement with Riverdale High’s very own newspaper, “The Blue and Gold.” Whether it’s solving crimes, exposing corruption, or standing up to injustice, you can bet Jughead will be printing it up in “The Blue and Gold” for the whole town to read… Only, that’s not how high school papers work. Take it from somebody who was the editor of all of her high school papers back in the day. Nobody reads them, and in a real high school, most of the stuff Jughead publishes would never be allowed to run, anyway.
20 That Is Not How Phones Work
Honestly, I don’t even know how this one even made it out of the writer’s room. It’s just so ridiculous. So, whenever the Black Hood calls Betty, her phone plays the song, “Lollipop,” but he calls from a blocked number, and other blocked numbers don’t have this ringtone. It might be a good cinematic device, but it makes no sense. Who even set up the ringtone in the first place? I mean if The Black Hood did it, he would have gotten caught a lot sooner, after all, it’s not like the whole town has access to Betty’s cellphone…
19 Convenient Musicianship
Okay, this is a common thing on teen dramas, but can we just take a moment here to talk about how every single member of this cast sings like Beyoncé? Like what? How? Even the characters whose roles in the story have nothing to do with music suddenly turn into fricking Neil Patrick Harris the second you stick them in front of a mic?
This Tests My Powers of Suspension of Disbelief
I’m sorry, but unless Riverdale High is secretly a performing arts school, the idea of this many professional-level singers in a single school is rather unbelievable.
18 Southside High Was Totally Cool With Open Gang Activity
So, I’ll admit, I’ve never been to a school where gangs were all that prevalent, but still, it just seems really odd to me that the kids at Southside High are permitted to wear their Serpent and Ghoulie jackets out in the open like that. Not to mention that they clearly carry knives and other unsavory things. Nobody is even attempting to rein this in. I get that it’s meant to be a rough area, but schools are still usually pretty strict about that stuff. Isn’t their job to try to steer these kids towards a better path?
17 Serpent Initiation
There are some things about Serpent initiation that don’t make much sense, but the thing that most stands out is the fact that Jughead’s supposedly “most difficult” test is taking care of Hot Dog, the Serpent’s mascot dog.
11/10 Is Very Good Boy
First of all, excuse me, but according to the comics, Hot Dog is Jughead’s dog, and they were adorable together. But also, why is this a hazing thing? Hot Dog is great. I mean heck, I’d take him for free! Look at that picture. Jotdog is clearly the only ship that matters here.
16 Speaking Of… Have We Forgotten That Betty Is Supposed To Be Young
Ok so speaking of the Serpents initiation rituals, can we… erm… Just talk about Betty’s? I mean, believe me, I would rather not think about it, but… That happened. Pole dancing… In a bar full of gangsters. She’s not quite grown-up.
So We're Just Pretending This Didn't Happen? Ok...
Her Mom was in the room. Everyone acted like her mom was the bad guy for trying to stop her, but um… What? Go home young lady, you aren't old enough for the establishment, let alone that.
15 And Don’t Even Get Me Started On The Unnecessary Fan Service
If I had a nickel for every time we got unnecessary shirtlessness, a gratuitous or poorly timed love scene, or… Whatever the heck you call Betty’s little “Dark Betty” get up… Well, I could probably go buy Pop Tate’s myself. I mean jeez. I swear, screenwriters think that women are incapable of running around and fighting bad guys without high heels, and if Archie doesn’t flash his pecs around at least once every few episodes, well, we might just forget why he’s even on this show anymore. #Sorrynotsorry.
14 Hiram Lodge Is Way Too Financially Invested In Random Small Town
Ah, a sneaky Mafioso businessman moves to a small town in the middle of nowhere, and sets up an intricate step-by-step plan, months in the making, throwing his wife’s reputation and his entire family’s safety on the line to take over the town and make a buck. Why, it’s a tale as old as time. Wait, you haven’t heard of this actually happening? Like ever? Well, that’s strange, me neither.
13 Veronica Switches Sides Way Too Easily
Riverdale often pits members of the older and younger generations of the cast against each other, then flip that on its head and aligning the two generations towards a shared goal. Nowhere, however, is this more apparent than with Veronica and her parents. In the first season she hated her father and everything he stood for, then suddenly one day she turns around and decides she wants in on the family business for no particularly convincing reason? She may have changed her mind again, but her joining him at all just doesn’t really feel in character.
12 Baddies Choose Weak Weapons… Cuz… Reasons…
Okay, so there are a few baddies that do carry actual guns, like The Black Hood, (sometimes). But can we talk about that time he showed up at Cheryl’s house with an axe of all things? I feel like maybe this was a The Shining reference, but he got defeated by a teenaged girl with a bow and arrow… Then again, same deal with The Serpents and Ghoulies. Switchblades, and baseball bats with nails? I mean I’m all for less gun violence on TV, but it seems like the heroes still have guns. Why are the villains so conveniently… under-armed?
11 That's Not How DNA Tests Work
When Betty suspects that Chic isn’t really her brother, she takes matters into her own hands and steals a piece of his used dental floss and gets it tested thanks to the convenient Blossom inheritance thing I mentioned earlier. The results come back that he has zero Blossom blood, which leaves Betty feeling vindicated, until the pretty obvious revelation that Chic wasn’t Hal’s kid, meaning no Blossom DNA. But… I mean, I’m no scientist, but I’m pretty sure that test should have shown more than just whether he is a Blossom or not, and all it would have taken were the other half of those results compared against Betty’s to prove once and for all Chic isn’t Alice’s son.
10 What Exactly Do The Serpents Even Do?
I mean, we know they don’t deal, and we know they’ve occasionally been known to help hire themselves out to criminals, or dispose of a spare body or two, but these feel like more the exception than the rule.
They’re Not Actually So Bad
The only thing we really know about their way of life is that they hang out together at the White Wyrm, and have a strong sense of camaraderie. What really makes them a gang? I feel like there needs to be an actual organized crime here, and I’m not actually seeing a whole lot of it.
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